Mystical Angels

Want To Trash This Poem (serious critics invited)?

THE VALUE OF THE MIND, SIMPLIFIED How about the conceptualization of intra psychic structures? For fun? Balderdash, say you? Tennis, anyone? Tennyson, anyone? Not keen on Lord Alfred? Can't say I blame you. Being long dead might just explain why he's under-read. While starlets and scalawags share a bed true genius seldom keeps the family fed. Stephen Hawking taps his fingers to the beat of Coleman Hawkins, while his quarks collide with grand octaves - music and math glorified. One bled this from his soul. The other one just knows. While there is no correlation between creativity and financial gain, both provide their rewards. The trick is in choosing what the spirit can afford. How much is one willing to give up to ensure either smugness of mind or stock options galore? How readily do we barter the soul? And when we do what's left to show? And when all is said and done who dictates who really won? (Yes, I wrote this drivel.) I had to edit out several stanzas to get this into the alloted space. But the edited out lines don't detract from the meaning implied here.

Public Comments

1. I'm sorry, I couldn't even finish it. It's pretty bad....I feel bad after you've put so much time in it, but you asked people to be honest. Tess :)
2. Dude, I kinda like it :) I do have some disagreeances of course, mainly with the "While there is no correlation between creativity and financial gain, both provide their rewards." But it's all relative I'm sure...
3. I rather like it- a bit John Lennonish, have you read his stuff?(the books not the music lyrics) Its old now but I think you'd like it!!
4. "stock options galore" has one too many syllables. Of course that opinion is mine....otherwise it's just "fine!"
5. I like the bantering quality of this poem, but one part it could lose- One bled this from his soul. The other one just knows. should go. It doesn't belong. But the rest is playful and fun but makes a point "The trick is in choosing what the spirit can afford." = great. Overall, a 4/5. I was getting sick of poems about crushes, not being asked to the dance, and how much of a victim of the universe I am.
6. I actually really like it. I'm very fed up with suicidal dark poetry now-a-days so this was a breath of fresh air. Good luck in your endeavors. Peace.
7. I actually like that bizarre drivel, it was quite funny in places.
8. I like the way you muse comparing and contrasting between types of success and spew images of several types. Some words used seem to lack any power. I feel like "choosing" seems too plain a choice. "How readily do we barter the soul?/And when we do what's left to show? " I feel like this is a letdown because the first part of the stanza is so open ended! why squander it with some greed cliche? So many pronouns are weighing down your flow! Get them out of there and you might have a serious keeper. the last stanza really brings it home. i feel like it might scan better for me if you added a sylable in the first line (unemphasized) I'll stop pretending like i know anything, hope that helps.
9. The successive couplets make it hard to get through.
10. Too many questions. I want a poem that tells me what you think not one that makes ME think. I think enough on my own. Seriously. If you tell me what you think, I'll think about it and that will be thinking enough. And "Tennyson, anyone?" is just silly.