Mystical Angels

I would like your opinion on this situation regarding your ex and breakup. ?

I had been with my ex bf for 5 years and within the last 4 since since our breakup we have remained friends. We had no contact for several months, then out of the blue he calls and wants to be friends, I decided to forgive and and give it a try to see if we can be friends (he was afterall my first everything and vice versa), so we had shared quite a bit of our lives together as we matured over the yrs. We have been hanging out (no intimacy-although he had once asked if I wanted a massage-I said no) over the course of 4 years and we have helped each other out when we needed advice or help with something. I have noticed that within the last few months, he would call me once a month to see what was up and that he hasn't heard from me in awhile-I try not to call him as I don't want him to think I was needy. As we were talking about his job, he blurted out and said that he is currently seeing someone that he met off an online dating site and had been only 3 weeks (so i assume not much was happening), that same night he also asked me if I was interested in going to the gym together to workout, which I agree to go as I needed a workout buddy. I had asked if he could help me with fixing my computer that night and he agreed, but as soon as the weekend passed, that Monday, he emails me telling me that he has got no time anymore to do that stuff as it looks to him that this girl he is seeing is starting to get serious. ( I told him he obviously has time to date-he had not dated anyone in 4 yrs). Is it possible for someone to feel that way only after a few days, when he said 2 days ago that he was just beginning to date? I feel very hurt and expressed my thoughts that if he couldn't help me, he should've stated that in the beginning instead of getting my hopes up. I told him that I could not continue to be his friend anymore as I still hurt and it was hard for me to imagine him dating someone else. He told me that I haven't let go and that I needed to find a more enrich relationship. I reminded him that it is hard for me to let go if he was still in the picture these past 4 yrs after our breakup and that our breakup was not mutual as he ended it after dating 5 yrs and realizing that we were uncompatible. As of last week I told him that I could no longer be his friend and I don't want to put myself in this type of pain again. He kinda went along with it, and when I hung up, I wished him good luck. An hour later he emails me and tells me that he can help me fix my computer and that I should not let my pride get in the way of his offer. What the hell does that mean? Does he think that he is the only one out there that can help me? I really think he is selfish thinks too highly of himself. Did he expect to continue to be his friend and date someone else at the same time? Is he really only keeping me a back up plan in case this person he is seeing doesn't work out? He portrays himself as being stable and well off, when I know that at the age of 36, he still gets allowance from his mom and is living and driving a car that his parents got him. Doesn't he sound like a winner? Girls, would you like a guy who was this way after a few months of dating? He truly is a momma's boy and he will never admit that! It wasn't until a year I realize this, but at that time, I accepted it and all his flaws because I loved him. Also I had some doubts about his sexuality as he is a big time homophobe and when I asked him if he was indeed dating a girl or guy, he got all defensive and said where did I come up with that and I said that I've always wondered that myself as there was numerous times that he acted or had guy friends stay over @ his place when we broke up over these past 4 yrs. He would get all uncomfortable about it when I ask. He told me that for my information, he is dating a girl and he likes her. Sounds pretty mean huh? He likes to throws things back in my face when he gets defensive. It was at that point I said enough is enough. I have this gut feeling that he will let this matter settle and in a few months, he'll call again as it has happened a few times already since we broke up. we'll get in a huge argument, then I say I don't want to speak to him anymore and he gives it a few months, then he calls me up when things don't go right for him. It's almost like being in a realtionship without being in one?? Is it possible that he has a lot of regrets, but is afraid to ask me back because of his pride? Has he let go of the relationship himself or does he want to make me think he has? 5 yrs was a long time, and when I think back we shared a big part of our lives together, even going to the next step as in living together for a yr before the breakup. He has told me that he went to see a fortune teller recently bu t did not go into details only that I showed up in one of his cards and what was funny was that he called me up that same day and asked if I had cut my hair? I thought that was a very odd question

Public Comments

1. I think he is keeping you around because he knows you are not over him yet, and that makes him feel good. He can date other women, and he knows that you won't date. It's like he is your boyfriend, but you are not his girlfriend. It's hard to let go, but it would be best for you. This exact same thing happened to me... it also took me a long time to figure out he was only keeping me around to stroke his ego. He is not going to ask you to get back together with him... he doesn't need to. He knows that you are faithful to him, and treat him like a boyfriend even though you are not together! Why would he ask you to reconcile? It really is like that saying: Why buy the cow, when it gives you the milk for free?
2. Not sure what your question is, but, it sounds like you two just need to take your losses and go your separate ways. I know you've shared a lot of years together, but I'm not sure either one of you know who you are w/out the other person - if that makes sense.