Mystical Angels

Please help coursework redraft in for tomorrow?

I am trying to redraft my orginial writing peice of courswork. I got 20 out of 27 on that, 13 for context and 7 for spelling and grammar. Please tell me what I need include in order to gain full marks for context. Tarot cards! To some people they are just plain pieces of paper, who don’t even give it a second glance. However for me, they represent my destiny, my tradition and my passion. As you shall find out….. Contrary to the name, Banshee Wail was a quiet sleepy village where not much happened. People would spend most of the day going about their chores and at dusk they would wind up in the ‘Old Ale House’. However, when ‘Jolly Joe’s Annual Fair’ arrived on the outskirts of the village, the whole place was transformed from a lethargic hamlet to a pulsating and dynamic party zone! Daymond is my name and I have been a resident of Banshee Wail throughout my whole life. No matter what rumours have been inflicted on our precious village I will still cherish my birth place. Our small parish was named Banshee Wail for a reason. Legend has it that people heard peculiar noises from the cemetery, and if you listen carefully to the wind weaving through the woods it would sound eerily strange; like someone was wailing. The name matched the village’s ‘personality’ if you like: an aged, early twentieth century village with alleys leading off to dead ends and gas lamps which had not been relit for years. That’s what I admire in this village, the simplicity, the sensation of magic engulfing you, but most of all…..the superstition. Yes the superstition, the history of this place is what made me bond to this for so long. I love superstition believing in it like a religion. “Daymond who are you talking to? Come on quickly the new attraction is about to open, actually I’ll meet you there!” “Okay then see you there!” I called back to Arnold who’s my best friend since childhood. Unlike me he’s not so obsessed with ‘you know what’. He thinks ‘false notions’ is a time pass activity for uneducated people, although I must say, for every unexpected occurrence he always has an explanation for it, stating it’s the cause of science! I think the real cause of it is the supernatural powers. I rushed down the meandering wooden stair case and stepped out of the house to see a stunning sunset with its orange glow bathing the village, but I felt a chill in my bones despite the warm radiance from the sun. Music greeted my ears, urging me to dart into the carnival and start enjoying myself just like any seventeen year old boy would do. Flashing lights everywhere, enough to give some poor old soul epilepsy for life enclosed me, while lungs bursting with laugher made me even more excitable. I was so eager to see the new attraction which I knew would draw large crowds from all the food stalls and all the crazy cheap rides that I could hardly wait for Arnold. “Daymond, hey how are you, you’re not talking to yourself are you?” “Be quiet that is not amusing, anyway do you know where that new attraction is located?” I said feeling a bit awkward. “Yes, so much for the new exciting attraction, it’s just a stupid fortune teller. Not very exciting if you ask me, but I’m sure you’ll like it.” “Really? Wow, I’ve never actually had my fortune read in real life”, I cried out in disbelief, but I kind of felt sorry for Arnold as I knew he too was waiting for the new attraction all year and now he was disappointed; extremely disappointed. “Well you can still come along, I mean don’t you want to know what type of successful business you are going to open?” “I suppose it won’t hurt.” “Good, now hurry we must not be late, we have to be the first in line.” There was no line. Just empty, grimy food wrappers wandering about in the evening breeze which had now turned nippy. Weird I thought to myself, there should have been a mile long queue of bustling and shuffling people, but no other human being stood outside the fortune teller’s red and white stripped tent. As Arnold and I approached the marquee, a ghostly illumination shone through the marquee’s entrance, casting two dark shadows behind our slim figures. “Excuse me, does….” I quickly glanced at the tattered poster representing her, searching for any identification of the fortune teller. “Excuse me does Madam Divine run this tent?” Seconds seemed like minutes waiting for the lady to reply. “Yes, I am Madam Divine, why do you ask?” Her voice was light and posh and on top of that her French accent immediately told me that she wasn’t from around here. “We err want our fortune read, isn’t that what you’re here for?” “Ohhh yes, come on inside and hurry, the outside world is not safe.” “Hey, Daymond don’t you think she’s a bit loopy plus she can’t even speak English properly and how did she ever come to see that we would be in trouble?” “Arnold, she is a FORTUNE TELLER not some helpless foreigner, let’s go in!” “Fine but only on one condition we go to the freak show later on, deal?”

Public Comments

1. excessive use of imagery leaves nothing to the imagination and makes story a chore to read.
2. Personally, I'd go after the extra punctuation and grammar marks..... as both are frankly quite poor.