Mystical Angels

What do you think of my first Chapter?

Chapter 1: Tightening my coat, I walked over to the front desk. As I signed in my name, I said,” Anne, please tell Dr. Alexandru that I won’t be able to help him with his morning surgeries.” She nodded. “All right Dr. Vane.” She started to dial a number. I took my signed papers and handed it to the other clerk. I grabbed a case file and headed to the clinic. Ok, I need to go to clinic one to do a check up on a surgery. I nodded and walked into the first clinic room. “Good morning,” I said looking over the file and heading for the small chair. “So, it says here that you’re doing a check-up on a surgery you had a few weeks ago. Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right,” he muttered. I got my stethoscope and rolled my chair towards him. “All right, breathe in,” I said moving it across his back. “Breathe out.” I recorded what I heard onto the case file. “So, Mr.,” I said looking for his name. “Justin,” he interjected. “Justin Vane.” I sighed and rewrote his name onto the paper. I smiled and looked up at him. “Well Mr. Vane, it seems that the surgeon has done a great job. Let me just check a few more things and you’ll be already to go home,” I said. Suddenly, his phone began to ring. He looked at the phone excitedly and I gestured for him to do it quickly. I looked down at my papers and began to write. “So, what is it? Did you find anything,” he asked. There was a pause and he began to nod. “So, her name is still Alice Vane, she’s a doctor and she works in Saint Mary’s?” Another long pause. “Well, that’s great. I’m already here. Thanks so much Jake!” I heard his phone close quickly. Why is he looking for me? I shook my head and grabbed a light and a Popsicle like stick. “Say ahhh,” I said. “Your mouth and uvula look fine.” I wrote on my file. “Ok, so, Mr. Vent, you’re doing fine. Just remember to keep taking your medicine.” He nodded and I started to walk out. But just as he began to close the door he asked,” Hey doctor, do you know a doctor here by the name of Alice Vane?” Before I walked off, I turned back and muttered,” You just met her Mr. Vent.” Then, my pager began to ring and I ran for the stairs with Jason yelling,” Wait up!” I shook my head; I have other patients to deal with right now. I started to get frustrated until I reached the level to which I was being paged to. I burst out of the stairway and ran to the room. I quickly snapped on my gloves. “Alice, thank you for finally coming,” Dr. Alexandru said. I sighed and quickly tied on my mask. “What’s happening,” I asked quickly. “Her surgery went well, but, it seems as if the sewing wasn’t that good. It opened up right when she was beginning to eat. We need to get her to the OR,” he said quickly. “Do you need me to do something,” I asked. “No, not at this moment Alice, just get going with your other patients, I’ll take care of her,” he said putting towels on top of where she was bleeding. “Chloe, put her in OR one and prepare everything. Clark, give her some sleeping gas rather than anesthesia,” he yelled. I took off my gloves and mask and walked out. I’m so tired, I shouldn’t have ran. I silently walked to the bench and took a seat. “Dr. Vane,” Justin yelled. I sighed. “What is it Mr. Vane?” He stopped running for second. He seemed shocked. “You don’t remember me do you?” I started running the name Justin Vent into my mind. My heart stopped for a second. I quietly gulped. “No, I don’t remember,” I lied. “I have a very short memory.” He looked at me intently. “You’re lying,” he muttered. I flinched slightly and gave out a forced nervous laughter. “No, of course not.” “I can see it in your eyes, you’re lying,” he muttered. I frowned. “Are you a fortune teller or something?” I grabbed the patient’s file and started to summarize what was happening. “Alice, you can’t lie to me,” he insisted. I signed the papers, put it away, and whispered angrily,” Haven’t you hurt me enough?!” I slammed my files onto the bench and walked away, leaving him standing there like the last time. Please tell me what you think. If you want to read the prologue to understand more, go to my other questions and you'll find it there. Thanks for answering in advanced. Like I said, the details about everything is in my previous post which is my prologue. Read that first if you're confused about everything. She's not going into a surgery. Only surgeons scrub in before going in, and that's only for surgery. And, I haven't actually read over my work yet and I was working on this late at night. And I know all about this. I know a lot of doctors and nurses.

Public Comments

1. I think it needs a bit more of a character introduction. I feel like it just starts with no introduction as to what we are reading.
2. ok i guss
3. "Clark, give her some sleeping gas rather than anesthesia,” he yelled." WTF? Explain to me how "sleeping gas" isn't anesthesia. No doctor would talk like that. Seriously. Even surgeons. " I quickly snapped on my gloves. “Alice, thank you for finally coming,” Dr. Alexandru said. I sighed and quickly tied on my mask." Mask before gloves. Always. And no scrubbing? You're asking for an infection. Anybody who knows anything about medicine would immediately see that you are writing about something outside of your experience. Fine for a school essay, not good for a novel. Write about what you know.